Friendship – An offspring of Spiritual affinity.

friendship

I was doing some thinking today about Friendship and what all it means and implies, it’s obligations and so on. The most important thing to remember is… Always appreciate the friends that you have. A fight may come and go very easily, but a friendship could last forever.  For every second spent in anger, a minute of happiness is wasted. Most people walk in and out of your life. But only true friends leave footprints in your heart.

When we look back on our younger years, we will remember the people who went to school with us, the people who made us laugh, the people who hung out with us when nobody else would, and the  people who made our lives much better simply by being a part of it. Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. The language of friendship is not in words but in their meanings.

Read more >>>Friendship – An offspring of Spiritual affinity..

My farther was a wise man… Life’s Lessons

life-lessonsMy father taught me, by actions and words, the importance of having inner strength.  “I can’t” were not part of my father’s vocabulary.  Nothing was more indicative of this than when, while crossing the street one day, he was struck by a speeding car and left for dead.

As he lay in his hospital bed following surgery to stabilize him, he smiled at each of us gathered around bed as if to say, “Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.”  The smile was recognizable but my father was not.  Such was his strength.  This was only the beginning of his display of vast innter resources for he had a difficult road ahead of him yet.

He spent a full year in the hospital stoically enduring many surgeries, including eight bone grafts.  Not once did I hear him complain about the injustice of his situation.  His attitude was that since he couldn’t change what had happened, he wasn’t going to make everyone else’s life miserable because of it.  Not once when I visited him was there not a cheerful smile upon his face.  From this I learned not to take myself too seriously.

During my father’s long hospital stay, we became closer and through our conversations, I heard the love he felt for his family woven into every sentence.  With this, he taught me the value of family and the power of love.

My  father went home in a wheelchair but he decided early that this was not going to hold him back.  Determined to be productive, he started a coffee wagon business out of his home.  With this, he taught me that giving up is never an option.

Determinedly building his strength he graduated to crutches and then a cane and eventually was able to walk on his own again.  With this grand achievement, he taught me that wishing for something won’t make it happen; you have to work for it.

Although he was never able to return to his job as a hospital orderly, he always looked at his cup as being half full and was happy for what he had.  He accepted what could not be changed and worked on what could be.  He believed that you can always ask for more but you have to be grateful for what you do have.

Unfortunately, this was not the end of my father’s need to rely on his inner strength.  A few years after his accident, cancer struck him a terrible blow.  Discovering cancer of the colon, he was operated on immediately.  Ten days later, he was operated on for cancer of the lung.He was undaunted.  Remaining optimistic, he encouraged his family to be also.  Then ten months after that, he developed cancer of the lymph nodes.  My father died less than a year after his first cancer was discovered.

Although we lost this wonderful man, he left us far richer than if he had been a millionaire.  He lived his values and always displayed strength of character.  He taught us that every day of our life is a fresh page and the choice is ours what we choose to write on that blank piece of paper.  We can make it a good story or a bad story. 

 
Sylvia BehnishAbout the Author:
Writing has always been a large part of Sylvia’s life. She has had articles published in newspapers and magazines in both Canada and the United States. She has also recently published her first non-fiction book entitled ‘Roller Coaster Ride With Brain Injury (for loved ones)’. Sylvia has a busy lifestyle which include her large family, photography, gardening, reading and the outdoors. Website: http://www.talesbysylvia.com

 

 

Mothers day, mothers are wonderful.

The history of Mothering Sunday.

Most Sundays in the year church goers would worship at their nearest parish or “daughter church”.In olden times it was considered important for people to return to their home or “mother” church at least once a year. So each year in the middle of Lent, everyone would visit their “mother” church. As the return to the “mother” church became an occasion for family reunions when children who were working away from home returned. (It was quite common in those days for children to leave home to work in service from ten years of age.)  historians think that it was this return to the “Mother” church which led to the tradition of children, particularly those working as domestic servants, or as apprentices, being given the day off to visit their mother and family. This special day has now become a time when people give thanks to their mothers and offers an opportunity to express both love and thanks for the work that they do.

mothers are  wonderful despite any hardships or physical capacities, And throughout all of her hard work, no one  should ever see  her fall apart.

Research has shown that people live longer when they are surrounded by people they  love. We are beings that thrive in community and it is not healthy to deny ourselves human contact. For people that live alone, even a pet has been shown to increase the life span for as much as five to seven years. Those of us that have  been blessed with family have been given a gift and should except that gift.  They can join you in time of celebration, lonely moments hard times through hardship and in times of tragedy. Having a family to support you as you go through life is of monumental importance always keep your family close despite highs and lows ins and outs family is family and should always be guarded with a river of unconditional love surrounding them always , as mine taught me.

This is to my mom with love.

There is a woman who always keeps  her head up high, It’s my mother, Her eyes sparkle like aMother bright star in the sky with  pride  and admiration towards me, She has the stamina, beauty, and courage that one could admire, Even the love  and happiness that one has to inspire, She is a woman who one can always count on , its my mother

She’s  a woman that sees no wrong , Her beauty shines from the  inside out, It flows like a journey down a long route. Her smile shines beautifully like the sun rising over the horizon, And her intelligence, wisdom, and hard work are not surprising its my mother. My role “model” Is beautiful in body and soul, she taught me to Have courage  for the great sorrows of life along the dusty roads, and patience for the small ones, She is a genuinely caring woman who goes the extra mile , Always holding family close to heart no matter what. she keeps it real, she tells no lies that are hidden in an ocean of deceit. she reveal’s them all and I trust her words sometimes wishing the truth were lies but she showed no regret And I held no grudges as she taught me that’s my mother.  I can’t Thank her enough!

There’s no one else who grant’s the same soft place. She gives contentment and sweet release of people’s problems erasing them for just enough time for them to think clearly… and still now whatever fear, stress, or  pain might go to anger. I now that underneath the storm I always have her love.  when I have  accomplished my daily tasks  I think of her knowing  that someone is always there for me its my mother… and with that she will  have unconditional never-ending love returned always thank you mother … those who die and yet do not perish, live on you are one.xxx

Written by Joanne Wellington                                             

Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.

Becoming a mother part 2… Why choose material over life itself?

” As promised this is part 2 of Joanne’s multi-part story of what being a mother is all about. Once again she has searched her heart & mind physically,emotionally and spiritually to bring to you from her own true life experiences her own story in the hope that it will help “someone out there” to understand what being a mother is all about.. Joanne once again you have written something that takes a lot of courage to write & publish and should be very proud of. I’m very honoured to be able to call you my friend.” ~ Steve Robinson (co-author).

Written by Joanne Wellington for Mediums World

I woke up one morning with the dawning realization that I was supposed to get a job, go to work and support myself for the rest of my life and having a child on the way it was going to be much harder. And like most middle class kids, I tried to do what the system required of me. Of course I worked part-time, but eventually having another child and having to buy more things… Yes buy things I wanted my children to have it all “who doesn’t”… but why? Well because all the role models around me advocated that kind of path, my parents in a strange way they tried their best my older brothers and sisters and then the partner of all my children… It was the path of materialistic consumerism, of “want” and “buy”. Yes that’s the trap I was not born into but consequently “fell into”, that’s the road I started my journey off on. And I dread the trap I have set out for my children.

Now by 2011, at the age of 33, having reached the end of my rope, having acquired many of the material things such as stereo, lap-top computers, televisions, cars, junk galore, as well as much debt, I have found myself suddenly unemployed, separated from the father of all six of my children, just merely escaping bankruptcy and homelessness oh yeah, and along the way suffered from some kind of illness.( That I’m still unsure of what it may be to this day but just live with it anyhow ). Needless to say I am ready for a change. At this time all I know is that the mounting debt has really taken a toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally. Each time another bill comes in I am ready to scream and pull my hair out.

Now on the cutting edge of learning to go without material things, I have what I have, but it’s not going to last is it? …I can say it seems workable enough as an idea, at least to me… simple, right? Simple…yeah maybe, but certainly will not be easy, as I know I will eventually find out. I know you have probably heard it all before but it’s so true it’s actually so much easier to get into debt and accumulate “stuff “than it is to get rid of stuff and live with less. Present day society is solely based on expanding but why to such extents why? What I wanted to do was move in the other direction, which means I will have to swim upstream to feel the better part of life and I know I will! “Simply because it is in mind”.

The image that has always been in my mind, which has been the yearning in my heart of what I wanted to achieve has always been… “Simple living” the simplest things in life, the things that are mostly free and more importantly yes the littlest things, they really do count, the things that create “precious memories” …. So why didn’t I take that path..! Hmmm well we are allowed to make mistakes yes this is how we learn (the important thing is that we “actually do learn from them “) and by showing my children that they can have the latest thing on the market that they want has indeed been a big mistake…

Imagine a time long ago

Our roots are buried deep in history just imagine a time when our ancestors lived in tribes or clans with no means of communication other than the spoken word, no means of transport other than one’s own feet. Life was harsh in those far off days and if you wanted to eat you had to find your food in your natural surroundings. Wild animals were hunted for meat and clothing and people would forage for edible plants before winter came, food and firewood had to be gathered and stored to last through these difficult times and the night would be cold and dark if supplies ran out. The children, the youths, the maidens, the hunters or warriors, the mothers and the old wise women or medicine women would all be safe in the caves, gathered round a camp fire listening to the stories that the elders would tell. The elders would speak of the things that they had learned from their elders when they were young. Sometimes perhaps they would sing their stories and everyone would join in and share these lessons, their knowledge of the stars and the planets in the night sky gave them the wisdom that helped them to survive in those bygone days…

Well that kind of togetherness is so hard to come across now unless you have some kind of religious support behind you… and to have such commune in the world now we would have to start all over again to bring back such a way as manmade ego rules mostly now, and doesn’t it show with how much suffering there is. I also think that this is where the answers lie as to why? We all ask the same question though don’t we? Why do we have the natural earth disasters the way we do if god does exist? Why such harsh ways? well maybe, just maybe it’s the only way he can get the message across for people to “remember the rest”… to team people back together, to bring back a togetherness because unfortunately that’s what it takes “tragedy” what a shame though, just what a shame… such tragedy and loss on earth for a short time yes, but with the way the world and people communicate today that’s an even bigger loss … It’s a bad sad notion  maybe true but that’s just my theory.

Anyway I will continue… I have thought about it and the idea of washing my body with cold water and eating , rice, pasta, baked beans, baked potatoes, cabbage and sprouts just all the natural things that we can grow ourselves cooked on a real fire supports the image I hold of humble living, of voluntary creative simplicity. I do not view this as poverty it was dam good for me as a child so many good memories I hold … I was just in time to watch my good friend Mr Holyman live in such a natural way doing all for himself even right down to the mangle in his backyard and the soaked up newspaper in rain water in a big drum, then dried out to burn on the fire. Who would have imagine that little dried blocks of newspaper would keep a fire lasting three times longer than just throwing newspaper on as normal, it was sort of like coal… to me it was brilliant and it was good for my grandmother and granddad too, they use to take their horse and cart to the market and sell what they had grown themselves and made a good living out of it… to bring your kids up with such natural things can create “simple living” instead of want, need and greed.

My second 16-year-old daughter didn’t make it.

At 16 my daughter has now left the family home to live with her materialistic boyfriend that buys both her and her love, all this has made her greedy, selfish and self-centred. In getting all she wants from him and his parents how can she, still a child herself refuse such “delights on a plate”. The only thing left for such an act to become possible and to take things out of my hands was for her to become pregnant. Oh god what a plan! but all the teenagers now these days are doing it, most of her friends had already done it too because too much is being put on a plate for them and the tax payers have to pay for it. They are both so young and they were so far apart, and with me now at breaking point, my daughter hating me so much, talking to me in a way I never imagined any of my children would, to say such cruel heartbreaking, devastating words that were so untrue and uncalled for. I finally had to let her go… it was time.

I believe that she thinks that this was for the best for her as they supply all her material needs the way she wants them supplied. But in reality she with her first daughter on the way, moving 125 miles away from all she knows I can only image how that must feel, and to watch her make all the same mistakes that I made at that age her with her baby’s father, he has already shown what values he is going to put in to their child by him telling me that my grandchild will hate me. She has believed as I did at that age that the father of my children was going to be good for my children… don’t get me wrong I care much for him still, he’s the father of my children, but he has indeed made it very impossible for me and the children to love and respect him the way he had desired. It’s not all bad just very sad but that’s another story as I said before and I may well bring to you one day.

It is worse and more painful for me to watch because of the way she’s been mislead or how she imagines’ that it may be for her and after all the guidance I could give her. How could they the boy’s parents support such acts of their sons selfish wants just to keep her? It’s like “mommy I love this girl I want to keep her can I?” Just as if she were a toy in a shop window, but this a real person they have done this to “my daughter“and I know that resentment towards him will set in along the lines… I just don’t know how anyone could do this I certainly couldn’t have without speaking face to face with the other parents… It is known that the other son also tried the same with my older daughter, but thankfully she did realise what was going on. I nearly lost them both to the same family. I suppose maybe the parents act this way because they always wanted a daughter of their own as they have just the two son’s and having made a similar mistake as me with providing the material things to support their boys “wants” not “needs” out of love for them, but with them doing it without any rewarding morels behind the act’s its horrid to see, the one thing I always made sure of when providing anything material for my children.

The way it worked out for us and the only responsible way and not just because  there being so many of them, is that our material things have always been brought for the home, for family living, for all to share, so not too much has been given to them personally. But they have “always” been provided with things that they “need” such as clothes, shoes, little bits of jewellery and so on. It has also been done this way to teach them that what is given is to be respected and appreciated, it has been explained to them the “how’s“ and “whys” behind whatever was given simply to let them know that life is not just about receiving. Well my lost /stolen daughter certainly appreciates this family for what they give her for herself personally, the things that I couldn’t give her.

As I mentioned in part one of my multi section topic/project teens can be mislead. In lots of cases teens do get too carried away with the way other people around them are, their friends and their relatives the people we bring our children up to love naturally. But sometimes even they have not quite grasped the importance of life lessons themselves, school life, boyfriends/girlfriends, parents and yes me in this case. Disciplining methods such as rewards, consequences, and manipulation are actually the LEAST effective methods of getting your child to listen and cooperate as I realised a few years ago. If you repeatedly use this method the same will happen to you that have happened with my two oldest children. My 18-year-old still struggles now to want to achieve or carry on with anything without some kind of a reward afterwards, but a little allowance has to be made as she does suffer with ADHD, but does it though hmm??? She was only 1lb 13oz born and is very lucky to still be around as she was born 13 weeks early.

I noticed a selfish pattern of “want” and “greed” developing in my daughters, I felt so, so ashamed of myself and thought is this really what I have done for wanting the best for my kids? By the time my oldest was 13½ I was on a new mission … naturally I started to refrain and held back on some of the things they were asking for, not that I could afford them anyway, that’s not the point . I would get for them all the basic things that they all needed, plus a little extra, but to her I was being nasty and spiteful and cruel (because she wanted the “brand name” goods) plus all the other things she could think of to throw at me. This daughter really did set out to hurt me yes hurt but “why” I never brought her up this way and if your children talk down to you after years of them not doing such a thing, it hits you damn hard. She wanted what all her friends had and the friends she did have were the type that treated their parents with contempt and disrespect too. Why she chose these friends I don’t know but I always did say to my children never sit and watch anyone be bullied and never judge people for the way they look, and if someone is left out those are the ones you need stay closer to…well both my girls did listen to that and befriended those types of people. I have had to pay the price for that and so will they making their own lives’ much tougher and challenging.

I also believe the similarities in behaviour and dysfunction in some children are not only due to the actions of genes or other hereditary influences. Rather, the similarities result from a child then, teenager and adult enacting subconscious negative agreements and selfish behaviour pattern-ideas that were taken-on (downloaded) from the parent displaying similar behaviour. This subconscious child-to-parent agreement and pattern idea transfer will make the child appear “like” that parent but because teens do not wish to be like their parent at all at this age then this is where the fight begins…

My second daughter unfortunately hasn’t downloaded any of the good and well needed points in her life but all the bad points of her big sister that suffers ADHD, her dad’s faults and also my own faults not to mention all those from people outside of the family. She is such a bright beautiful clever girl, but she has used all the bad parts of her past to abuse her future rather than to help her as I have. I use the bad to better my future the bad inspires me to do and want better. She has also indeed chosen material and money over” life itself” making her first steps in life all that much more difficult to become lost, lonely and fully dependant on a boy, a new baby and a bunch of strangers that she doesn’t really know.

All I can say is I see clearly the cost of such luxuries in terms of what I am required to do, to make the money to maintain our children’s respect (” hmm if we allow it this way yes”) well that’s how it seems sometimes and that’s just wrong… I have to say that I’m not willing to pay that price of losing anymore children to the outside world through pc’s and phones for want and greed. It seems harder for me to go to work full-time, month after month, year after year, wasting away my life and the short time we do have with our children in order to pay for things that are considered the normal things of life now; guess what? It’s not normal! It was not meant to be this way just too much is expected from our children now and I know half  of the people who read this will know I’m right just too much is expected.

There is actually little evidence to me that all of these labour-saving devices have actually improved the quality of my life or the children’s. Actually it is just the opposite. Having and doing all these things , I have had very little time for myself and also my children have had very little time for me… just want, want, want. It is changing now I choose more to read, to learn and to teach, this doesn’t mean I’m not normal, it means I am, also to practice yoga, to meditate, to visit with like-minded friends ,spend more time with my children making the quality of my life and their life much better, more enjoyable,valuable and rewarding.

Because if you think about it …Is a tap with hot water coming out of it really that valuable? Just look at what a person has to do just to have this convenience. First you must have some money to buy the fixtures, the water heater, the fuel, etc. This requires a job. To have a job, one needs transportation, such as a car. The car requires fuel, maintenance and insurance. To pay for this requires more money or a loan, which demands full-time employment. Then there are the requirements on the job such as a nice wardrobe, time restrictions, and extra costs for day-care, commuting hassle…it goes on and on. All because we want hot water to come out of the tap!

And that’s just one little aspect of what we want. There are other things too, like nice furniture, cable TV, mobile phones and fax machines. Of course there is little time left after working all day so we need ready-quick-fix meals, which are expensive. Then we feel stressed from working all day so we need to relax at the health club once or twice a week or play golf or tennis whatever takes our fancy. That keeps us away from home too, so we need to make it up to the kids by taking them to the movies or maybe buy them the latest toy to relieve our guilt for not being with them. But do we really know what damage we are doing to them by doing such things? There will be a time when this child grows to leave home to fend for themselves “then what” we carry on supplying them? but that’s what they expect in most cases “and how “it will hit them hard because they are so used to receiving and they now have to learn the very thing we were trying to protect them from now they have to learn how not to receive without us …”simple living” is one of the most valuable things we can teach our children.

I think the things that are going to make it possible for me to accomplish “simplicity” now is not only the love and help I have had from my children & my loved ones but also from all the people who have really hurt me it has all helped me to reach the understanding I have now, and for me accepting my mistakes and changing them for a better, “mind-set” it’s so dam easy ,changing your mindset can be done in seconds you should try it, also my love of philosophy, yoga and the romantic ideal of spiritual asceticism will also help. It is the idea of living in small spacious open dwellings, fresh air, sitting quietly and meditating, with my thoughtful prayers that really do get answered! (because I accept them as they come no matter what form they come in), painting my own art, and sitting in the lamp lit darkness, enjoying humble simple meals, good conversation with my children and friends listening to what they have to say and no distractions… sort of similar to the way life use to be with a togetherness that is and has slowly been disappearing from our children’s knowing and knowledge of life.

What I’m trying to say is … I started going through all the waves of every one of my memories I have and it has evolved into the idea that experiences and memories will always be worth more than possessions which a lot of people do choose “I did once” I worry sometimes that the rest of my kids may suffer the same as I have and it is my daughter’s recent actions that has set me off on such a blog for the public , I just hope my realisations and me sharing this will indeed benefit my children’s parenting and anyone else’s growing future that follows any similar patterns.

I now choose the simplest things in life primarily because I feel dissatisfaction in having so many material things. To me, life is not about having and getting, it’s about experiencing fulfilment and satisfaction through being , giving ,sharing and most of all having many precious happy memories to look back on, to keep me going forwards and to take with me when I leave. “Simple living” It’s possible to be very comfortable, by making only a few modifications in lifestyle and attitude concerning money and material things.

A Life of Possessions:

Your new shoes will eventually be old.

Your new flat screen TV will eventually be obsolete technology.

Your new purse will eventually be out of fashion.

Your new toy will eventually be boring to play with and you’ll want another one.

Your new car will depreciate once you drive it off the lot.

Your new house will eventually be old.

Every material thing that’s newly acquired will eventually be old. (You can add to that, when you die you can’t take a single one of these things with you).

A Life of Experiences:

The thousands of waves ridden over a lifetime will leave permanent imprints on my memory and I’ll take them to the grave I will take them when I cross over.

The friends you spent your birthdays with will always trump the gifts you got. I can’t remember what I got for most of my birthdays but I remember spending each one with the most important people in my life. I can take every birthday with me when I go.

Travelling across the world, you’ll experience different cultures, meet interesting people, have wild experiences, sometimes near-death, live to tell the stories, which get passed on from generation to generation and you can take them all with you when you go.

First kisses, wedding days, kids being born and every god give moment good and bad are all experiences. Some of them are life-changing but of importance. I’m not too educated on most of these minus the first kisses, but I would imagine these are the kinds of experiences that you will always have in your heart and mind. You can take them all with you when you go.

The mountains we climb, the sunsets at the beach , the downtown skylines, the views from the peaks of every city are all experiences that we can always go back to just through the power of imagination . You’re free to take it all with you when you go.

A life of experiences is far richer than one of possessions when you’re faced with the end. Those who have a life of experiences die rich. Those who have a life of possessions may die rich, but will find themselves empty-handed once they cross over to the other side. There’s a physical limit on possessions and a life of experiences is a life without limits.

 

Written by Joanne Wellington for Mediums World

 Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.

Becoming a Mother


Becoming a Mother

This is a re-post of Joanne’s very popular article and a prelude to part 2 which Joanne will be publishing very soon, so please re-read and refresh your memory as part 2 is even more interesting, informative and educational so don’t miss it, keep checking back… it will be posted very soon, I have had the pleasure of reading it already, I promise you will not be disappointed… Steve Robinson co-author

Written by Joanne Wellington for medium2spirit

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before”.

When I was 16 years old, I never made it to high school, instead I gave birth to a child, now I have six children ranging from five to eighteen years. I have three girls, three boys and yes being a mother-of-six I find it very exhausting at times. My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have because one kid  will take up 100% of your time, so more kids can’t possibly take up much more… hmmm don’t know why I believed that? Never the less I do have to say “fulfilling is what I mean”,, in every way because every minute, every hour, every day, every week of every year I never go short of new experiences and  constant challenges and changes as they have grown.

I have  grown with, gone through, found and lost so much, my life has indeed been a series of coincidences and sometimes life-shattering events, to get to how I understand and view life as I do now, since becoming a mother. But I  know  the loses have  always been in the best interests of me and my family. My own life experiences have shown me that individuals can and do create their own futures by using the power within themselves  Its is case of having to stay strong, positive and true to yourself always  holding good intentions every step of the way which will serve you greatly, and we have to for them our children as much as ourselves, learning from mistakes and forwarding yourself for the better on a constant basis.  Trust me when you have brought up children, there are memories you store directly in your tear ducts good and bad… I want to share some of my knowledge with you today.

The way I see life is;  by learning you will teach, by teaching you will learn because in real terms that’s what motherhood is all about, besides all the rest, which I will talk a little about in part two “Why chose material over life itself.” We, us, our children are both teacher and learner, they us as much as we teach them, and learning is “a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere”. I believe that anyone who stops learning is old, whether this happens at twenty or eighty and anyone who keeps on learning not only remains young beside their children, but becomes constantly more valuable regardless of physical capacity and this is what’s important for our family’s….. Its how its meant to be… It’s not only children who grow, parents should do too.  As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. So much strength and will power is needed for most part of the way and if you have those two besides much love to give you are well on your way to becoming a good mum.

I wanted to be a mother simply because I had such a humongous load of love that I felt  I needed to share and I guess I wanted someone to love me like  I loved my mom. I also wanted to experience the bonding process that everyone talked about as I grew up  and wanted to experience what my own mother called “the most wonderful, terrifying, fulfilling, loving but excruciating thing that life has to offer.” With a description like that I knew I had to check it out and boy it is exactly that.

A lot of things have surprised me about motherhood. The most obvious is how much work it is and how much I don’t like it sometimes. And how hard it is for people to come right out and say that parenting is a raw deal at times. They do mention the incredible highs and the fierce love and protectiveness that balances it all out, but I think the one needs the other in order to BE balanced. I believe in telling it like it is so that fewer women will not  be bitterly disappointed when the fantasy they’ve been fed all their lives turns out to be only half-true.

Since I became a mom, my relationship with my mother improved, not that it was that bad  but we all go through it at some point.  Most teens think life is bad  and life is treating them unfair at the time but I want to remove the veils of serenity and satisfaction and reveal what I hold to be the truth: that teenage years of motherhood are physically difficult and can be emotionally devastating. But I have learnt that being a mom makes me appreciate  greatly what my mother went through for me and my siblings. Not only did my mother experience physical pain, she experienced mental pain throughout with eight children all in all each having very different  personalities between them. I am experiencing the same similar pain with my teens right now talk about karma. I now realize more than ever that when she said she was doing it “because she loved me”, she meant it. Even though I never believed her when I was a teen, she was not just being mean and telling me no to tell me no. There was a reason why she set rules and stuck to them. When my mom told me not to do what my friends were doing, there was a reason and when she took material off me it was a way to make me see reason I now realize that.  If only I had listened and had more faith in her words back then. It is known that all these events are what have made me who I am today. Good mothers truly do have their children’s best interest at heart. I appreciate and love my own mom more because of my children .

Despite all the highs and lows  being a mother means always giving your child a port in any storm, someone he/she know that’s he/she never has to hesitate to come to with any problem, any issue, any concern and listen to. Someone that he/she knows will always be understanding and compassionate and above all will always love them. I tell my son’s and daughters that I may get mad at them from time to time. I may not like some of the things they choose to do, but my love for them can never and will never waver no matter what and where ever life may lead them. I will always be right there and this will last the rest of my life,.. it isn’t like a pet where you make a commitment for upwards of the next 18 years tops. A lot of people have this vague notion that once a child turns 18 a parents job is done. If you’re one of them I suggest getting a pet instead of having child .. Look making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

“In all things that you can buy you will get what you paid for… In  children, you will get back what values you put into them”.

Really think about the kinds of values you would want to install in your children. The brain of a child is like a little sponge, it will soak everything up, hold it for as long as it can and then it will wring itself back out. If you want what comes back out of their sponge to be clean for them, then guess what? You need to be completely accountable for your actions. If you are not ready for near total accountability, you are not ready to have children. I am a capable human being but there have certainly been times where I have literally curled up into a corner and had myself good, heart-wrenching sobs. In those moments I felt there was no possible way I could continue to go on doing what needed to be done but the important thing “never” stop questioning, because curiosity has its own reason for existing .

Children, unfortunately do not come with “time-outs,” however, their needs must be met. In those times I have always managed to pick myself back up and continue to be the capable human being my children deserve and have helped make me. Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you!  and If you have never been hated by your child  at some point you have never been a parent. I wont lie I have made mistakes we all make mistakes. It is part of the learning process. Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new to better their life.

Are you the kind of person who can learn from those mistakes?  Can you admit that you were wrong to your children in parts when you have made a mistake? If you are not a big enough person to admit to a child you have made a mistake you will lose their respect or is it the other way round as some think hmmm. Well Losing a child’s respect is the first step down a slippery slope towards losing their trust. Once that has happened… It can be game over and leave you thinking what was the point in being a parent at all ..just remember being a parent is “far” from being a game.

” If we allow it our children can “make” or “devastate” our lives “.

Setting the right foundations from the very beginning, from the moment they start watching  you is so important, and continuing throughout as they grow. It Is an important part of our parenting involving making decisions, having responsibilities and having duties to perform. Sometimes we may wonder how to achieve a balance with these different demands they are conflicting for many people ….the first step to finding a balance is by holding a positive mind-set around them even through the bad, the bad is there for a reason it helps change our way of thinking for the better but you have to believe this (positive mind set)…love is also a very  important need a desire in our children’s life as in ours just noticing this is a simple route to happiness its around us today and everyday…love and balance…there’s a vital investment that pays huge dividends’ in terms of increasing energy, motivation, and inspiration to go forwards investing these values in your children  can  show higher levels of good emotional adjustment for when they become teens . But in minute cases  this is still not  enough for some children “its not always your fault”  understanding and managing  their young raw feelings is very, very difficult for them, this I learnt myself as a teen,  I have watched  with  my own children as they have become teens. I know I’m a good mom and  I have tried to the best of my ability to do right by all my children  it come’s with the territory and that’s what counts for a lot … through all most important is staying true to yourself always.  ..now the father of my six children is a whole new story that I may bring to you one day. Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children ourselves, its nothing new and if there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves first..!  but for now I will continue . 

A question that has to be asked  WHY do adults constantly argue and fight and put each other down in front of children?.

Its very difficult for  children to have  respect for Parents these days, when they witness their own Parents have no respect for each other either. Some people do not seem to see that arguments, fights, separations and divorces all stress out children even as early as 2 years old. I have seen the effects for myself with my own  family and  friends . They do grow up to become insecure and some, but not all are so lost and confused with so many steps parents or half siblings that they feel unwanted, unloved then in teens they become confused and mistake friendship, lust for love and cannot understand WHY no one wants or loves them…girls and boys both feeling as if they are the wrong ones…some even become homosexual due to being scared or of history repeating itself. Some swear never to have children, never to get married, never fall in love or anything. Some land up smoking, drinking alcohol or on drugs. Some feel as if they have no home, feel as they were never a part of a family, end up homeless or end up in gangs as they feel so unwanted at home or are just “getting in the way”.

In lots of cases teens do get too carried away with the way other people around them are,  their  friends and  their distant family members that we bring  our children up  to love naturally but  sometimes they have not quite grasped the importance of life lessons themselves, school life, boyfriends / girlfriends, there reality seems much more easier to them at this time in there life and  can very easily make them lose track and slip.. they cant resist to morph there friends.  It is very tough for them but sadly no matter how hard we try as the responsible one’s to  help them understand  facts THAT they really need to know… we “will ” indeed only push them further away and it is up to us to determine when it is time to stop and let them be to find out for themselves whether we may agree or not, it dose kill you to see them grow up and go through these things.  But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.   Just don’t handicap your children by making their lives to easy. If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.  Too often we can give children the answers to easily to remember rather than problems to solve  they have more need of modules than of critics   this will help them tremendously ready for their own journey.  

All in all  even when you have done and tried your best with all the knowledge, the knowing and power we may have inside us, finding the balance between being  parents and a friend to our teens can be very difficult.  We have to face it we just have to realise that  we can’t help some people  even our own that just don’t want to be helped and when you feel the life force being drained right from your body that’s the time to seek help on a professional level. We must not forget that no one person is the same and we can never expect any of our children to be just like us it very rarely turns out that way. With them out there in the real world as they call it they will adopt surrounding habits without fail  for some parents this can be an horrific learning curve it Certainly has been for me with my girls.   We have to remember that one day our children actually do need and want  to try to have their own  independence and  it  means to them as much as our independence means to us  it doesn’t matter whether they are ready or not  “A fact all parents have to face”  and if our children do get caught up in such situations we can only guide them the best we can. Remember the old saying  in spiritual terms  “they don’t belong to us they are only borrowed” but at the same time letting them know that yes we are all different and that’s OK.  Being the perfect person is “impossible” .

What would be the best gift you could give to your child ?  I believe it is love, time, and simple living.

We just have to have faith in remembering the foundations that we set in the beginning  from our good intent hearts that one day from the moment that their child is born, that  the mother and father in them will also born . That they will see “the light”  the love the care and all the good intent that was always intended for them all along… “it will be seen” and will also be installed in their children we just have to hold on stay strong and  be there ready to  forgive any unfortunate events  that have indeed been created and for a very important reason”  “their journey” “their life’s lessons”.   In some cases letting go is the right choice and as we all know every situation is different  life is what it is and what we ourselves make it.. we are who we are  we are where we are because of our personal life’s journeys.

“Before  I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories just intelligence through growth and a mothers love”.

Being a mother is a great learning process … if you think about it our story’s are still being written with each new day where you have a chance to collect yourself and prioritise with what is most important to you.  Changing your frame of mind for the better can bring wonderful new changes that little bit closer, taking it as an opportunity to reinvent yourself and find a passionate life that is right in front of you.  God bless you all as my dad always said and please take care of each new day as you make your countless choices. 

How can we be sure we are making the right decisions? Here are a few suggestions:

 1. Be aware of where the road leads

Choose intelligence. Not every decision we make is a moral choice. Sometimes its just a matter of choosing between stupidity and intelligence. For example, if you are a young non-smoker and your friend offers you a cigarette, don’t take it. That would be stupid. If your looking for the path to happiness, it is easy to find. Just avoid the paths with signs that say STUPID and follow those that say SMART. Easy enough to do, but you have to remember to check the signs before you start down a path. As Harry Emerson Fosdick wrote, “He who chooses the beginning of a road chooses the place it leads to. It is the means that determine the end.”

Whenever we are at a fork in the road, we will find that one of the paths is easy to take, but that may be the only thing good about it. So, look carefully. You may find that one path tempts you and the other ennobles you. Choice the one that ennobles you. Learn how to withdraw from temptation. For as it is written in the Bhagavad Gita, “Even as a tortoise draws in its limbs, the wise can draw in their senses at will.”

Besides the paths of SMART and STUPID or GOOD and BAD, there is yet another road, and it leads nowhere. It is the road of non-action. It is the path of no-choice. Whenever we face choices and refuse to decide, that refusal is our decision. By refusing, we turn over control to the tides of fate, and instead of shaping our lives, we decide to drift wherever the tides and currents will take us.

2. Do what you can

Decide what you CAN do, not what you WANT to do. Our wants are insatiable. We want to do everything. But how can we become anything if we want to become everything? Choose worthwhile goals that you have time for. Set priorities and focus on the important issues. If you run out of time before getting to the minor tasks, at least you would have done the important ones.

Choose to carry out your responsibilities not because you HAVE to, but because you WANT to. Tasks that you HAVE to do create pressure and stress. Actions that you WANT to do, lead to the joy of accomplishment and freedom from inner conflict. Choose to learn how to WANT to do those tasks that you should be doing. For in the end, you will do only what you want to do. Similarly, when you cant have what you want, choose to want what you have.

3. Look for the good

Some of us may be undergoing great hardships. But no life is so difficult that it cannot be made better by improving our attitude. No matter how dire the circumstances, if you look for some good, you will find it. But how can we find anything good if we occupy our time complaining? The rule to remember is that we are certain to find what we look for. If we search for good, we will find it. If we search for something to complain about, we will surely find it. Choose to search for good. And choose to believe something good can and will happen. Choose to live with hope, rather than despair. Don’t be a dope. Learn to cope. Live with hope.

4. If you cant change the circumstances, change yourself

We cannot choose what will happen to us, but we can choose what happens IN us. That is, we can choose to have the right attitude, one in which we view challenges as opportunities instead of problems. Choose to be positive. For example, although he became confined to a wheelchair after his accident, W. Mitchell (author, TV host, and businessman) said, “Before I was paralyzed there were 10,000 things I could do; now there are 9,000. I can either dwell on the 1,000 I’ve lost or focus on the 9,000 I have left.”

5. Be aware of your choices

When we act out of habit rather than conscious choice, the path were travelling on is a rut, perhaps even a slippery slope. If we don’t want to end up at the wrong place, we have to be awake. We have to be aware and make our choices consciously. The best way to do this is to develop the habit of always looking for opportunities. Scout Cloud Lee also writes about conscious choice: “When we acknowledge that all of life is sacred and that each act is an act of choice and therefore sacred, then life is a sacred dance lived consciously each moment. When we live at this level, we participate in the creation of a better world.”

Look around you. There are great people everywhere. Champions, victors. And they’re all rooting for you. They are voting for you because they want you to win. Unfortunately, you are also surrounded by losers, people who want to drag you down. They are voting against you. Half are for you. Half are against you. How will this closely contested drama turn out? It all depends on you because you will be casting the deciding vote. The ballot is the choices you make. Be careful how you choose!

6. Never Stop  Dreaming, Loving, Trying, Learning, Believing, and Being Unstoppable.

If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don’t have it, no matter what else there is, it’s just not enough… like they say, if you don’t have love in your heart, you are the poorest of the poorest, The only way to retain love is to give it away. The love we give away is the love we receive back, Love grows by giving an sharing. Just ENJOY each moment, this moment, no matter what. To embrace and inhale the pleasure, joy, and divine perfection of each and every minute good and bad they are there for a reason”.