Blaming Others (what are the consequences of blame or self-pity)

taking-responsibility-for-your-choicesIn all situations in life, you have the freedom and choice to choose how you will react and what actions you will take. You also have the power to control your thoughts. Ok, there may be some forces which are clearly out of your control but you do have the choice even in these situations on how you will react.

We often get into the habit of blaming other people for our circumstances or our unhappiness. We end up complaining to our friends or anyone who will listen. For example:

1) My partner stops me from doing things

2) My boss won’t listen to me

3) Its my parents fault that I am the way I am

Do you blame your boss for your lack of income? If so, will blaming them change things? Will it help the situation?

Do you blame your partner for your unhappy relationship or sit in self pity blaming your parents because ‘ they made you this way’? If you do, then you are just setting yourself up for more misery and keeping yourself stuck in the blame game.
The truth of the matter is, that in laying blame on others, you are giving someone else the power to impact your life in a massive way. When you are pointing the blame finger at someone else, who or what have you given your power away to? We often end up blaming others, as it is easier than actually taking action and taking responsibility ourselves.
If something is not working in your life, instead of blaming others, look at what action you can take to resolve the situation and take responsibility. I often believe we have three choices in situations which may not be working for us – Accept it, Change it or Walk away from it!
For example, if you don’t enjoy your job or feel you are not earning enough money, take responsibility and do something about it. Speak with your boss or update your resume and go out job searching! If you are not happy in your relationship, speak to your partner and if you are still unhappy – let them go and move on!
Try this exercise:

Where in your life are you laying blame?

Who have you given your power to in this situation?

What are the consequences of laying blame in this situation?

What specifically do you need to do to take responsibility in this situation right now?

So, if you find yourself pointing the blame at someone else, ask yourself what you can do to resolve the situation and take action. Remember, when you point the blame finger at someone else, you are also pointing three fingers backwards towards yourself.


article written by Lisa Phillips

Accepting Responsibility For Our Actions

Accepting Responsibility For Our Actions. Everyday, we're faced with decisions, but rarely do we make these decisions based on conscious choice and then take responsibility for these actions, accepting that these choices bring about our reality.

Accepting Responsibility For Our Actions

Everyday, we’re faced with decisions, but rarely do we make these decisions based on conscious choice and then take responsibility for these actions, accepting that these choices bring about our reality. This is especially true when our actions don’t bring the desired result we’d hoped for. It’s easier to blame other individuals for our disappointments. Heaven forbid we take a look in the mirror and acknowledge the role we played.

While we may find ourselves in situations that we feel are not of our choosing, we are still responsible for how we handle the issue and blaming another is an easy way to take the responsibility off ourselves. We remain in victim mode, allowing the event(s) to control our emotions and our actions almost always follow the emotional reactions we project.

Taking responsibility means acknowledging our emotions in any given situation. If we project hatred, hatred is what we get in return. If we feel deceived, we will be deceived. If we feel hurt, we will continue to hurt ourselves. It’s a never ending circle of emotional projection that can only be changed when we accept full responsibility for the part we played. Denial comes when our childish side moves to the front.

The wounded, inner child part of us is always the victim. It has no control over emotional reaction and this is something only time and experience can bring. Wisdom comes from learning to accept the roles we place ourselves in and how those roles shape our very being.

Taking a good long look in the mirror is a painful experience. If it’s not painful, we’re not doing it right. We’re not looking in the right places and we’re only seeing the features of ourselves we want to see. It takes a lot of inner fortitude to look at our unattractive areas and see them for what they are. Sometimes these areas can be fixed. Sometimes they are damaged to the point that we feel nothing will be the same again. Send inner healing to these areas, for what you see in yourself is what you project into the world around you.

We need to recognize the areas of our lives that we’ve refused to accept responsibility for. The longer we deny their existence, the longer we stay in victim mode, allowing the wounded, inner child to control every aspect of our emotions. The programming of our inner child dictates emotional response, but programming can be changed and the inner child eventually grows up and accepts responsibility for who they are, what they will become and how they treat others. Our inner child is a vital part of who we are and there’s a big difference between a wounded, suffering inner child and a healthy, well-adjusted one.

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