Mental Abuse information –

Both men and women in  relationships, families and social circumstances can inflict mental abuse.

Stereotyped beliefs, myths and behaviour about roles for women and men  in families, relationships and social environments, and about what true love is,  are often at the root of mental abusive behaviour. Women in our culture are  often socialized to be accommodating, to believe that it is their job to care  for others at their own expense and to please men. Men are often socialized to  believe that it is their job to protect women, to be in control at all times and  to “call the shots.” However often it is the reversal of these roles, which can  also cause mental abuse to be present for male survivors.

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Many young  women and men believe that they must be in a relationship to be whole. They  believe that they should devote themselves totally to their partner, often to  the exclusion of other relationships and interests. Jealousy, possessiveness and  sometimes abuse, is seen as a sign of true love. Believing that any  relationship—even an abusive one—is better than no relationship at all, leaves  individuals without the support that they need to leave an unhealthy  relationship.
Remember, mental abuse escalates. Mental abuse can and  sometimes does, turn physical.

Fear and seeking help –

All types  of abuse leave you frightened. The fear may not be limited to a fear for  physical safety. The fear can be more shapeless. You know you do not feel strong.  You do not feel as if you can take risks. You do not even believe it is  acceptable to try.

The abuse can start slowly, and perhaps not even feel  like abuse – just a simple “it’s all your fault” here and there. Be warned that  mental abuse is often the precursor to more.

Unfortunately the classic tale  of mental abuse is often followed by physical abuse, and then sexual abuse. And  typically the cycle is that the abuser, at some point, apologizes for the abuse.  Then comes the honeymoon period during which things are relatively fine – and  then the abuse starts all over again. People who have grown up in abusive  homes can easily duplicate those experiences in their adult lives. If you grew  up in an abusive family, you know how frightening and hurtful the experience  was. Do all you can to protect yourself and your children in the way that your  family did not or could not when you were a child? If you were the victim of  abuse as a child – you know only too well how much that hurt – you do not have  to re-enact your childhood pain in your adult life. You do not have to treat  others as you were treated.

Typically abuse, once begun, only escalates.  Unless the abuser accepts responsibility for his/her behaviour and seeks  professional help – it is quite likely the abuse will continue and worsen.

There is help. There is support. No one deserves to be frightened,  terrorized or helped to feel hopeless and helpless about themselves and their  lives. The police, support networks and shelters take mental abuse just as  seriously as physical abuse.

http://www.wunrn.com/organizations/human_rights_ngo/hansm.htm